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Jupiter is in your sun sign this week, making it pretty crowded in there, what with Jupiter being the largest of the planets and all.
Taurus (4/20 - 5/20):
You thought true love would last forever, but you're shocked to discover an expiration date printed on the back, just below the consumer warnings.
Gemini (5/21 - 6/20):
You will fall victim to a dangerous personality disorder that makes you believe that the personal lives of celebrities are interesting and important.
Frankly, the stars don't understand what your problem is with calamari. So what if it's tentacles? It's delicious! Eat it already!
Next week will be a time of great financial and emotional rewards. It's just too bad you won't be there to see it.
Your marriage will soon erode to the point where you'll be sorely tempted to turn her in for the reward money.
You will be shocked to learn that, due to a legal fluke, your long-term houseguest is now your common-law wife.
After 14 long years, you will be admitted to the Baseball Hall Of Fame when you finally come up with the $11.50 admission price.
Start childproofing your house now, as a pack of bloodthirsty feral children is headed your way.
Your uniqueness as a human being is threatened when you find a person who enjoys ham just as much as you do.
The way to respond to a stupid question is to pretend not to hear it, which is why your friends all seem to have hearing problems.
You're finally entering the period of life in which the things that you want to do greatly outnumber the things that you will eventually do.
Sit of Shame: That moment when you're sitting in your car after being pulled over by a cop. Knowing that every person driving by is looking at you.
Social Fruitfly: Like a social butterfly, without any charm or beauty. An unwanted pest.
Social Hacking: Not to be confused with social engineering, social hacking is to insert your own made-up words into everyday use in an attempt to get other people to use your vocabulary. You can measure accomplishments by finding strangers you have never met that use your word.
Disney Channel: A channel that always has shows with lame, repetetive plots, and will make a show or a movie every time they think of an amusing pun or any random theme (i.e. a kid who plays baseball and cooks.) Although the target audience is 9 year old girls and fruity boys of their early teens/preteens, they will not heisitate to make movies like "High School Musical" (by the way, if they wanted to make a realistic high school movie, it wouldn't be on Disney Channel, it would be on comedy central at 10:00 at night.) Every frikin month they make a new movie and use the same actors (or better yet actresses) over and over and end up turning them into crappy, anerexic pop performers with no skill who end up lasting for little over a year.
Unfortunately you can tell it will be around for a LONG time since their so rich they dont even need to show commercials that dont advertise their own things