Action and adventure await you this Thursday, though not before hours of pointless exposition and predictable plot twists.
Taurus (4/20 - 5/20):
Your financial situation takes a turn for the worse this week when that damn quarter slips loose and falls behind the sofa cushion.
Gemini (5/21 - 6/20):
They say you have the grace of a dancer and the agility of a world-class gymnast. After that, though, it's usually just a bunch of mean-spirited laughter.
Either the whole thing is just one big coincidence, or they named a deadly species of blood-sucking parasite after you for a reason.
While it's true that love has no boundaries, no limits, and no rules, your court-appointed restraining order has all three.
Avoid making any important decisions this week. And, come to think of it, next week as well. In fact, assume this is always the case unless the stars tell you otherwise.
Possessed by satanic forces, your dog will soon order you to murder all those squirrels.
You never thought you'd end up a billionaire, living in a palatial mansion, and jet-setting around the world. So it's no real disappointment, when you don't.
Everyone wants to live forever, but in your case it would just mean more time being chased by an angry swarm of bees.
Your extremely trying week will not be improved by your decision to deal with all problems by leaning on the horn.
Your perfectionist streak will consume you this week when you attempt to posit the world's single most precise chaos theory.
The alignment of the stars and the planets this week can only mean one thing: You're looking at a very simplistic, two-dimensional model of our solar system.
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